Grief in Daunting Times. How to Deal with Grief?
Loss is unavoidable, and the grieving process is unique to each person. Helping each other through this isn't one-size-fits-all — recognising the distinctiveness of each person's loss and grief allows for tailored, compassionate support.
2020-2021 has been an overwhelming year for most of us. Due to the spread of deadly coronavirus and lockdown, many people have witnessed incredibly daunting and frightening experiences.
Amidst the backdrop of global catastrophe, people are experiencing grief by a variety of events such as the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a career, the death of a pet, or the loss of one's prized possession.
Sadly, most of us will experience intense sorrow at some point throughout our lives. Grief- we can refer it to a person whom we never wanted to meet. The class we didn’t sign up for. The club we never wanted to join. The journey we never wanted to take.
If you have experienced a recent loss, there are things you can do to help yourself heal from grief
“I don’t know what to say”
We often wonder what to do or say to a person who is grieving as nobody has ever taught us how to be with a grieving person. There are no appropriate or perfect phrases to say or do things for someone who is experiencing grief.
‘WORDS’ or ‘WHAT YOU DO’ can help the person feel better, but they can also make the person feel hurt and can occasionally create conflict and separation.
What Can You Say to Someone Who Is Grieving?
It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who is experiencing grief. If you're stuck for words or don't know what to say, here are some suggestions that can be helpful for you.
A grieving person can sometimes find silver linings, positives, and sense in their loss on their own. This is often a very normal and constructive way to cope with grief. Follow their lead and be there if they need any support.
What's comforting to one may be off-putting to another. Some people find religious books or verses comforting in their grief, while for some, staying in isolation can be the only way to express the tragedy of their loss. Gauge what is comforting for the grieving and always try to provide your support in that.
By doing this, you might think that you are not doing enough, but by silently listening to them, you are allowing them to process their shock, anger, and guilt.
A grieving person does not have the ability or motivation to call you when they need something, so instead of saying, "Let me know if there's anything I can do," make it easier for them by making specific suggestions. You could say, “I’m going to the market this afternoon. What can I bring you from there?”
Give the space to the person to feel whatever he or she desires. You may wish for him or her to move on, but you can't force it or even guarantee that it will. Allow your friend to recover at his or her own pace and in his or her own way.
Things You Shouldn’t Say to Someone Who Is Grieving
Whether it is intended or not, statements like these tend to overlook or minimize the pain of the other person. By doing this, you are trying to sweep the person’s pain under the rug and ask them to concentrate on abstract positives, which in most cases is not helpful for them.
You do not know how the other person is feeling, and even if you did, this is not what they need or want to hear. No two people are the same. No two losses are the same.
While many people take solace in knowing that their loved one is in a better place, saying it right after a loss is not always the best moment.
Realistically, things probably will get easier. But when someone is in a state of unimaginably deep grief, they just want you to acknowledge the pain.
or “You have to be strong right now.” Each individual will grieve in his or her own way — some people will cry, some won't. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. When a person is experiencing grief, they want to be supported and don't want to be judged for crying.
Conclusion
Remember that grieving the loss of any kind is the worst pain someone can endure. It's not always easy comforting someone who is grieving, but any form of support would mean a lot to that person. If you want to help, keep these tips in mind. With time, support from loved ones, and maybe a counselor — they can feel better.
What do you think you can do to help a grieving person?
*Related reading: Virtually Walk the Journey of Grief in Uncertain Times*
Hiral Sangoi
A clinical psychologist with a cup of cold coffee and a thriller book in hand.